Heaven Knows Newsletter – Issue 4

Your Faithful; Fun; Family Church

Heaven Knows Newsletter – Issue 4


Note from the Editor

Thank you for all your submissions. I have been sent such a variety which is fab. If you’re wondering what to send in think about what you love about your regular magazines and newspapers? Some ideas: recipes, personal stories, advice, poems, celebrations, photographs, and prayers. That’s just a few to get you thinking.

Follow the clues


Are you feeling a little bored at home with your family? Local lady Kimberley Purchase has shared a treasure trail she made for the Sale area all themed around “Finding the COVID cure”. If you would like a copy of the treasure trail clues please email admin@aomurchurch.org.uk . If you don’t have access to emails, ask your nominated Elder for a paper copy. A PDF version will also be emailed to our mailing list.

Wowee! Joyce turns 95!

On the occasion of Joyce Doggart’s 95th birthday on the 25th of June. A birthday celebration was attended by Diana McClave, Pauline Bell, Hillary Mackenzie and Joyce’s daughter Yvonne, in Joyce’s back garden. A lovely day was had by all in the sunshine. It was great to catch up with friends after the long lockdown.

Written by Diana McClave

Free Will Offering


If you would like to continue to make your weekly free will offering we would really appreciate it. If you would like your contribution collecting please contact your nominated elder. Otherwise please transfer the funds to our bank account.

Bank details-  RBS

Sort code: 16 -30 – 32

Account number: 11180210

Thank you.

Sissinghurst Castle Garden – a lunch to savour!!

Last September we stayed with Matt and family in Kent for the weekend between two reunions, one in Oxford and the other at Brands Hatch, Kent. On the Monday we took a trip to Sissinghurst Castle gardens, a National Trust property. We duly admired the gardens, bought a couple of plants, and as usual went for our lunch in the café. On the menu was a large savoury scone. Those of you who know me well, will know I much prefer a savoury scone to a sweet one. Well these were to die for, so much so that I asked the waitress if I could have the recipe. She went and asked returning with a hand-written copy saying apologetically that the recipe was for 30 portions. I assured her I would be able to work out appropriate quantities. So here you are – these quantities make 3 (or 4) large scones.

Cheese and Bacon Scones

200g SR Flour + 1 tsp mixed herbs; rub in 50g Butter or Marg; add 100g grated cheese + 100g chopped bacon + 2 tsp chopped onions and mix well; pour in 100ml milk & mix. Shape & cut into 3 (or 4), place on floured tray, sprinkle with grated cheese and put in preheated oven at 180ºC for 20/25 mins until golden brown. One does me for lunch!!

Written by Pam Boyes

It shouldn’t happen to a Tradesman – “Wallpaper”

n my industry there are some unscrupulous individuals. We’ve all heard the terms dodgy builders, cowboys etc. and the advice from all those TV/DIY presenters is use a tradesman who comes recommended. This is good advice but it’s always wise to steer clear of the guy down the pub that says “My mate’s-uncle’s-Dad’s-third-cousin-twice removed is a great builder, I’ll get you his number”. I am proud to say that most of my work comes from personal recommendations and so it was no surprise to me to get a phone call from the daughter of a lady I had done a lot of work for. I had fitted a new kitchen and bathroom for her Mum, fitted a new bathroom for her auntie, and worked extensively for her brother in his new home fitting doors, skirting boards, architrave and a bathroom, all with no problems or complaints.

The first morning, Mrs C set out her rules of the house with the usual jovial instructions – here’s tea, coffee, sugar in the cupboard, milk’s in the fridge and don’t eat all the biscuits etc. We met her cat and were told not to let her out of the house and not to shut her in any of the rooms as it liked to roam around the house. Mrs C then informed us that “I’m

The daughter, who I’ll call Mrs C for the sake for the story (Mrs C because she loved to complain), wanted a new bathroom and invited me to quote for the job. I called round and discussed various options and ideas. Mrs C had a separate toilet and bathroom and wanted to combine the two rooms to create a larger bathroom. This then led to the conversation about which door to keep to enter the new bathroom and she decided the current bathroom entrance would be bricked up and she would keep the toilet entrance, thus giving her wall space as the toilet was at the end of the room. Having accepted my quote, a date was set and terms agreed.

the project manager and I’m in charge, you must ring me at work for decisions on things, but only at lunchtime as I work in a bank” This would prove to be very difficult.

“Don’t use the front door as it’s new, go round the back instead” was another instruction. At that point, I should have gathered the team, got back in the van and left, but thinking things would get better, we stayed.

Problem 1 – she left for work, the side gate was locked, no key left with us, so therefore no using the back door. We had to use the front door which meant a kitty hunt and kitty chaperone every time we opened the front door. Three grown men walking round going “Here puss, puss” and “Che, che, che” as I couldn’t risk locking the cat in a room and it clawing the carpet or scratching the door.

Mrs C complained about us using the front door and said that we had broken it as we’d “Used it too much and it now sounded different!”.

Problem 2 – Mrs C had ordered her own bathroom suite which she instructed me to pick up as she refused to pay for delivery. And to make matters worse, on the day I collected it, she phoned at lunchtime to complain that we hadn’t arrived at her house until 10.30am. I hadn’t realised we had MI6 and the KGB watching our every move!

Now it turned out that Mrs C was as good at reading a tape measure as she was at project managing and all the stuff she bought wouldn’t fit. I was going to enjoy this conversation a lot.

Mrs C was not convinced that the suite wouldn’t fit and took the morning off from work so that she could supervise us trying to make a glove fit a foot. She had us holding up the far too wide shower screen glass whist she tried to squeeze through the gap between it and the massive vanity unit she’d bought. We stifled our laughter but grinned like Cheshire Cat at her failure. As Project Manager, she then delegated the task of having to return all the items and reorder the correct ones to me. Maybe finally she would cut us some slack.

Problem 3 – even with all the problems, the project moved along at a pretty reasonable pace and then it happened! Mrs C lost it! She phoned me mid evening and summoned me to her house. Upon arrival she ordered me upstairs and as I stood on the landing she asked me “Where’s my wallpaper gone?” whilst pointing to her newly plastered wall. I was confused to say the least. “I didn’t want the whole wall plastering” she added. Then I realised what she meant. She clearly thought that I was a magician and could magically


stretch her wallpaper over the hole where the door had been. The fact that the plastered wall looked that good that you would never had known a door was ever there didn’t matter.

“OK” I said, “If you give me the wallpaper, I’ll have it decorated.”

“I haven’t got any” she replied

“Well how am I going to paper over the hole” I asked

“I don’t know, you’re the builder. You seem to forget, I work in a bank.”

I was thankful to be finally free of Mrs C when the job was finished and I had been paid. I often drive past her house and noticed recently she had had her drive repaved and I wondered to myself, did she find a magic flagger to stretch the paving stones across the drive or had she buried the poor guy underneath it?

Written by Chris Garrattley

Karen’s Kitten has Kittens


On Saturday 11th July, Sybil the kitten gave birth to 4 beautiful kittens. Sybil is looking after them perfectly and in around 10-12 weeks they’ll all be going to new homes. So far 2 of them have homes waiting (1 will be going to Karen’s Mum, Pat) but the other 2 are in need of homes. If any church members would be interested in giving a kitten a good home please contact Karen Garrattley. She isn’t selling them, they are free. They will only be rehomed to people Karen knows or friends of friends so she can assure they go to a safe home.

Share your news on our social channels


Did you know we’re on Facebook and Instagram? If you would like to share your news with our social media followers and fellow church members then please send pictures and news to our email address. If you’ve sent something in for the newsletter please let us know if you are happy for us to also post it on social media. You can also send us a message on Facebook or Instagram. Don’t forget to follow and like us.


Insta: @ashton_on_mersey_urc

Becky’s 5 top tips to avoid email scams

There are tons of email scams out there so here are a few tips to follow to stay safe:

1. Check the sender

It might look like it’s from a friend but is it their normal email address or someone pretending to be them? You can call yourself anything on the internet! Try calling your friend to check they sent the email.

2. Does it make sense and are there spelling mistakes?

Often scammers send emails from all over the world and may have used a machine to translate sentences. Machines don’t always get it right and this plays in your favour.

3. Dodgy links

Often scammers send out emails that contain little more than a link. They sometimes pretend to be a friend by using a similar email address. NEVER click a link from any email you’re unsure about. These often contain nasty viruses.

4. Clever imitations

Scammers pretend to be everything from banks to HMRC and from Apple to Facebook. It’s about being savvy, taking time to properly look over the email and follow the steps above. If anything looks unusual just get rid.

5. Mark as spam

If you’re unsure about something, mark it as spam. This helps email companies learn who the scammers are and in future those emails should go straight to your spam and not into your inbox.

Charity Bags


Bags to Church are collecting on Wednesday 23rd September. If anyone has bags that need collecting, I am happy to do so.

By Jenny Burgess

Thanks for reading

Edited by Becky Vanden